Growing up, influenced by mainstream media and the church, I believed that virginity was important. It was like a medal those of us who had chosen to not have sex, especially in a time where it feels like EVERYBODY is having sex. In movies, there is always a big fuss about a girls first time; it needs to be perfect, it needs to be done with the “right guy” (the church says preferably someone you’re married to) AND it must be a member of the opposite sex.

I have an ambivalent relationship with casual sex. The risks of it terrify me. Still, I enjoy it because I don’t have to put much thought into it. It wards off the emotional mess that usually comes along with intimacy otherwise. But of late, I’ve realized that reflecting on the reasons behind the decisions I make in my sex life—noble or not—as well as the reasons why I gravitate towards the things I’m generally passionate about is key to understanding my purpose in examining sexual politics itself.