by Raisa Habersham

by Altheria Gaston


The first time I heard of HIV/AIDS was in 1988 as an 8th grade student. All the 8th graders had been summoned to the auditorium for “the talk.” I remember leaving the auditorium with the impression that HIV/AIDS was a gay men’s disease. Never would I have imagined that in 25 years, Black women would lead HIV/AIDS statistics.

by Jamille Fields


April is National Minority Health month, and it is far past time for our elected officials to implement policies to improve Black women’s health. As a Black woman, I want to see something done to eliminate the health inequities that plague us, our families, and our community. As a public health professional, I recognize that expanded health care access can go a long way toward improving individuals’ health. As a lawyer, I know that politicians, currently, have in their hand an opportunity to make such a change. On March 23, 2010, President Obama signed the Affordable Care Act (ACA) into law as an attempt to expand healthcare access to the nearly 50 million Americans who were uninsured at the time. Five years later, some states are still playing political football with implementing the law.

Salt-N-Pepa never told a lie. It is amazing—and disturbing—how many people feel comfortable enough to share such an intimate experience with someone, but get shy when it comes to asking the important questions before having sex. If you feel comfortable enough to engage in sex with someone, you should feel comfortable enough to protect your body, heart, and mind as well by having conversations about testing, preferences, consent, and so forth.

Below is a list of things to know before you get busy.

1. Consent

Consent should be the first thing that partners discuss with each other before engaging in any sexual activity. Instead of waiting or assuming that the other person will say “no,” both individuals should check in with each other about how they feel and if they want to have sex. Once everyone has asserted “yes,” then they can feel free to move on in getting it on.

2. Status

Having sex can bring great pleasure, but having unprotected sex can also lead to many negative consequences. At this point, we’ve become familiar with the HIV/AIDS awareness campaigns and initiatives, and other STD prevention efforts. Yet as much as we know, many of us still carry a sense of invincibility or false sense of safety with certain partners. Knowing someone’s status is much more than asking them, “Have you been tested?” Most people don’t know or understand that testing should be done every six months, and that even if they test negative for an STD, it may take awhile to show up in their system. Instead, partners should go get tested together. Ask to see their results, and present them with your own. And use protection. If you choose not to use protection, take care of yourself by getting more frequent check ups. The sooner you know something may be wrong, the sooner you can address the issue.

3. Pregnancy Prevention

If engaging in vaginal sex, it is important to know the person’s views on what they would want to happen if a pregnancy should occur – prior to laying down with them. Be sure to talk about to your partner about birth control and other prevention methods. But also know that condoms and birth control are not bullet proof. What would your partner want to do if a pregnancy did occur? It’s better to have that conversation ahead of time, when you’re both level-headed and calm, instead of after a positive pregnancy test and anxious.

4. Other partners

Are both of you sexually exclusive? Are either you sleeping with other people, with or without protection? These are just a few of the things you need to address before having sex. It’s not about trying to pressure someone to only be with you; rather it’s about protecting yourself and making informed choices. Although it can sound taboo, it’s OK to ask about past partners: Were they using condoms or other forms protection? Were they exclusive? Were they in love? Were their other/previous partners tested? Asking about the past can give you an idea of how this person operates in sexual situations, which can help you protect yourself physically and emotionally.

In addition, we often assume that if someone is sleeping with us, that they are only attracted to our specific gender. However, you may want to clarify how your partner identifies sexually and romantically. Get to know whether the person you’re having sex with is heterosexual, bisexual, gay/lesbian, or anything in-between to save some confusion later.

5. Preferences in the Bedroom

Do you like to smack it, smack it in the air? Or do you like something more gentle? Many people enter sexual relationships with a new partner trying to pull the same moves they did with their old partners. Having a conversation about what each person likes and/or dislikes can not only build intimacy and be a form of foreplay that builds anticipation, but it can save you some awkward moments when it’s time to get down to business.

6. Emotional Consequences

Sex is more than physical, so you must be ready to handle the emotional consequences as well. If you are not the type to separate who you’re having orgasms with and who has your heart, be sure to ask your partner about his or her intentions beyond your sexual relationship. Do they have intentions to be in a romantic relationship too? Or just friends with benefits? You can avoid an awkward “What are we?” conversation down the line if you are clear about your intentions, listen closely to your partner’s, and be willing to leave if and when you are no longer aligned.

What other things do you think are important to discuss before having sex with someone? Let us know in the comments!

by Oni J. Blackstock, MD, MHS and Kimberleigh J. Smith, MPA

by Ariel C. Williams


As with many complicated matters within our community, discussions around sex are often seen as taboo, waffled or avoided for being too complex or provocative. But in this transformational age of womanhood, topics like sex—and specifically receiving pleasure from sex—have proudly found their way onto most women’s must-have lists. As progressive a change that this is, many women are still uncomfortable explicitly discussing pleasure when having conversations about sexual health and sexuality. In fact, the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals surveyed that 68 percent of patients “cited fear of embarrassing a provider as a reason for not broaching sexuality issues.”

by C. Imani Williams


People differ in their beliefs on the appropriate age to talk to kids about sex and sexuality. It often depends on the parent and child. Certainly hitting a seven-year-old with topics that he or she is not emotionally ready for will likely do more to confuse than to explain. Another reason the conversation is not easy is that adults (whether they be parents, grandparents, guardians, or any other adults with influence) may not have a clear understanding of how to broach the topic while using age-appropriate language that kids can understand. Personal beliefs about topics such as gender, sexual orientation, and abstinence can also affect how and when the conversation takes place.

Last week,  a video of a Black father who assaulted his daughter’s male friend after finding the pair alone together in his home presumably engaging in some form of intimacy, made the rounds on the Internet. The father defends his actions in the video under the guise of wanting “to protect his [17-year-old] daughter;” and since then, many fathers have joined in on the conversation to defend his behavior. On social media, particularly, men have contended in unison that “protection” equates policing when rearing their daughters—further perpetuating the notion that fathers are the de facto authority when it comes to the sex lives of their daughters. But, au contraire sirs (and madams), your daughters will have sex, and there’s absolutely, positively nothing you can do about it… except support and educate her.

by Nneka M. Okona


For Black women, talking about sex — let alone sexual and reproductive health — can be a slippery slope. Turn on the T.V., flip through magazines or scan through radio stations and you’re sure to be bombarded with images which hypersexualize Black women and Black womanhood, touting us as solely objects of male affection. On the other hand, take a glimpse into Black churches, institutions which have long been the heart and soul of our communities, and look closely at their teachings and theology. These teachings and theology share a longstanding history and commitment to patriarchy, pushing the path to purity and discouraging sexual identity, exploration and liberation.

by Mlilo Mpondo

I found my daughter fiddling with her vagina in the bathtub. The said vagina will here forth be referred to as a pony. It is far too cute to be burdened with the responsibilities that come with having a vagina. She was in the bath and suspiciously quiet. Bath time is always her opportunity to work my last nerve, so the silence was unheard of. I found her chubby hand beneath clear water fiddling with whichever part of her body stays hidden below her plump belly. I soon found that what had her attention was her pony.

At For Harriet, I try not to engage the faux-lationship experts too often. Save for the occasional editorial, I ignore the  foolishness. But tonight, a series of tweets from Chey B left me shocked and disgusted. I expect a man who wants to make a living off of the perceived desperation of Black women to promote antiquated gender roles and tired stereotypes, but Chey B's rant against women who carry condoms was irresponsible. Women making an effort to protect themselves against the wide range of STDs should not be villified. They do not deserve to be called hoes. If you care about Black women, you should care about the messages you send us. You should care about our health and know our history.