It’s not difficult to feel like you’ve lost the New Year’s Resolution battle before you’ve begun because most of us set the same goals year after year. So when January 1 rolls around, you drag your feet to get on the hamster wheel of underachievement.

I’m giving it up in 2016. There will be no more weight loss/organization/work-life balance resolution clichés. I’m going to get real about the sh*t that’s metaphorically weighing me down (word to Toni). So here are 10 New Year’s resolutions for Black women who want to be dynamic, healthy, and whole in the coming year.
Look at other Black women as motivation, not competition
Jealousy is natural, but many Black women have been taught that there’s only room for one of us to shine at a time. Institutional racism and misogyny may limit our opportunities, but you will not win by trying to claw your way up the backs of other women who look like you. Every situation is not the same, but Black women are likely the most important allies you’ll have when you’re facing marginalization. Viewing them as the enemy might leave you completely alone. So extend your hand to a sister who is doing something you admire to connect, build, and learn.

Create something
Alice Walker in “In Search of Our Mother’s Gardens” explains how, despite our turmoil-filled lives, Black women have managed to hold on to our creative spark. We have done so because we know it sustains us. We need outlets to tell our stories, and we do so in ways far beyond writing. This year remember to nurture your gift. Whether your creation is fine art, cuisine, a garden, prose, or music, plot out time to spend with your creativity. You may hone your skills as your journey through this mode of self-care, but, ultimately, your work is for your benefit.

Say no to f*ckboys
We each get a finite amount of time on this planet. Do no waste yours entertaining men who are unappreciative, misogynistic, short-sighted, self-interested, regressive or any combination thereof. This is an important resolution for all women, not just those who partner men romantically. Men are socialized to feel entitled to your energy and women are socialized to accommodate these demands. In every space, remain vigilant about the healthy and productivity of your interactions with men. If they’re depleting your energy, say no when you can. If you can’t, take time to recharge as soon as possible.

Move through life with the confidence of a mediocre white man
At some point in time, an elder probably gave you the “twice as good speech.” We simply don't have the option to be mediocre and thrive. But when you spend your life swimming upstream, doubt creeps in intuitively. You begin to second guess yourself because you know someone's probably looking over your shoulder. This is not paranoia. This is the reality of navigating the world in a Black woman's body.  But the self-doubt can be soul crushing. Don't give into it. Trust what you've done and what you know.

Refuse to be a mule
Zora Neale Hurston gave us a word in Their Eyes Were Watching God when she wrote, “De nigger woman is de mule uh de world so fur as Ah can see…”  It is common for Black women to be seen as fonts of infinite care with little to no return. The people in our lives, even those who love us the most, will deplete our physical, emotional, and intellectual labor with no intention to reciprocate. This dynamic need no longer be normalized. Set boundaries. Stick to them. You’ll know just how much someone values you and your relationship by how they respond to you asserting your needs.

Get the orgasms you want
If orgasms are your thing, there's no reason for you to not be having them regularly. Whether with a partner or in solo play, know what gets you off and how to make it happen. Too many of us carry the shame of sexuality we've been taught from childhood. The only way to undo it is to dive in with fingers, toys, phalluses etc. Explore and experiment until you get it right. And if you're with a partner you're afraid to try it with, there's a problem. Your sex should be a celebration, and there are plenty of ways to make it so. Don't settle.

Live for yourself
Many of us have responsibilities that we cannot shirk. We have people in our lives we do not want to disappoint. Unfortunately these things make it too easy to ignore our own intuition and follow the mores that others set out for us. Free Black women know that respectability will not save us, so make up you mind about what you want for you life and pursue it relentlessly.

Let go of white supremacist beauty standards
European beauty ideals have been a terrorizing force for Black women and girls globally for centuries. Though we're better than most at build self-esteem outside of a narrow ideal, we're not immune to the power of socialization. Now, thanks in large part to online communities, women are finding it easier to embrace an aesthetic that represents who we are. If you've yet to do so, take some time to acquaint yourself with the fabulousness of Black beauty. This doesn't necessarily require going natural. It does require being honest about the choices you make and why you make them.
Focus on wellness, not weight 
Pin point all of the things killing you slowly—think stress, processed food, toxic relationships, inactivity and the like. Find small ways to cut down and eventually eliminate them totally. Many of us associate fitness with a scale, but wellness is not necessarily tied to your weight. If you're a size 2 eating cheetos for dinner every night, you're in trouble. The science is very clear on the damaging effects of many processed foods. Find ways to incorporate whole foods and get active. Do it to feel better and live longer. Preoccupation with a number will leave you miserable.

Get a handle on your debt
Debt is a fact of life for most of us. Due to circumstances beyond our control, many of us have so much of it, we'll likely be paying it off for the next couple of decades. A part of being financially responsible is knowing exactly how much you owe and to whom. Ignorance is bliss, but it will keep your ass broke. Fight the fear and make sure you know all the details of your debt including principal balances and interest rates. It's the first step to getting your financial life right.

Photo: Shutterstock

Kimberly Foster is the founder and editor-in-chief of For Harriet. Email or Follow @KimberlyNFoster

by Liz Alexander

As the New Year approaches, many women are finalizing their New Year’s resolutions. In fact, according to the Statistics Brain Research Institute, roughly 45 percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions. Some of the most common resolutions include losing weight, saving money, finding a new job, and establishing a new and/or cultivating an existing romantic relationship. However, of the 45 percent of Americans who make New Year’s resolutions, only 8 percent of them are actually successful. For years, I too was among the majority of Americans who were unsuccessful in achieving their New Year’s resolutions and personal goals in general.

That is, until I hired a life coach.

I would describe a life coach as someone whose expertise is to support you in enhancing your life. A life coach acts as a guide to assist you in retraining your mind by adopting new ways of thinking, which can involve replacing harmful beliefs with positive and affirming ones in order for you to reach personal and professional fulfillment. Some life coaches even have areas of specialty such as reinvention (personal and professional), relationships, lifestyle and business.

Think of a life coach as someone whose literal job is to help you reach your goals and ultimately enhance your life.

In my own personal experience, I decided to hire a life coach after hitting rock bottom. At the time, I desired change and longed to amplify my quality of life. But regardless of what I did, nothing seemed to work. When I accepted that I needed help, I reached out to a life coach.

One of the most profound things that my life coach helped me to realize is that my strategies were unsuccessful because I engaged in self-sabotaging behaviors. With the help of my coach, I was able to discover the root of these behaviors: a fear of change. As someone who has a history of abandonment and loss, I loathed change and associated it with my previous traumatic experiences. After some time, I was able to replace my beliefs about change with new ones, while also improving my self-confidence. A major outcome of this breakthrough was new opportunities and more fulfilling relationships.

I am clear that my life is much richer because I invested in a life coach.

With that said, here are seven of the BEST life coaches that every Black woman should know.

1. Kawanza Billy of K.Billy Push

Kawanza Billy has a vision of a world where work is play and everyone experiences freedom. K.Billy Push is a company dedicated to developing good ideas and producing outrageous results. Their mission is to create solutions and to provide resources for people and businesses on their road to success. All you need is a little PUSH!

Services: Vision Matters Workshops (including S.M.A.R.T. or C.L.E.A.R goal setting and vision boarding); The 90-Day Push Challenge; Strategic Planning for Workshop Design; and The Push and Pull Project—Self-Awareness and Social Emotional Learning through Service for Youth.

You can find Kawanza via Facebook and her website www.kbillypush.com. Contact her directly by email at kawanza@kbillypush.com.

2. Sylvia High of Aiming High, Inc.

Aiming High Inc. is committed to creating powerful partnerships and extraordinary futures. Aiming High is a training, coaching, and consulting company committed to building partnerships that support each client in creating their extraordinary future. Each client is unique, each goal is unique, and each dream is special. Therefore, their focus is your focus.

Services: The Basic Breakthrough, the Advanced Breakthrough, and the Leadership Breakthrough. The focus is to uncover the maximum number of hidden self-limiting beliefs that drive our lives. Once they are uncovered, you are empowered with new choices.

Contact Sylvia via Twitter @SylviaHigh, Facebook, her website www.aiminghighinc.com, or directly by phone at (510) 303-4032.

3. Sharmayne Jenkins of Reinvention Now

Reinvention Now is a private consultancy practice whose mission is to assist clients in getting to the heart of who they need to become and what they need to do, in order to get from where they are to where they want to be—both personally and professionally. Sharmayne offers personal coaching, workshop development and facilitation as well as support for small businesses. Reinvention Now supports clients in achieving an extraordinary life by challenging traditional thoughts, rituals and habits. Reinvention Now is committed to helping clients achieve clarity, create action steps, and to create measureable goals.

Services: Personal Coaching (Relationship, Family, Health and Wellness); Business (breaking the glass ceiling, navigating work dynamics, increasing salary); Mastermind Groups (Synergy, Communication, Team Building)

Contact Sharmayne via Twitter @Manifest_Coach, Facebook, or her website www.reinventionnow.com.

4. Reese LaFrances, The Freedom Coach

As the Freedom Coach, Reese LaFrances’ mission is to assist clients with releasing past baggage and overcoming the barriers preventing them from finding the freedom in following their dreams. The Freedom Coach believes healing, happiness, and hope are the key ingredients to building a life of limitless possibilities, while addressing issues on L.I. F.E (love, inspiration, faith and experiences). In addition to offering personal coaching and consulting, the Freedom Coach also offers professional services for educators, parents, and community organizations.

Services: One-on-one and group coaching services primarily focus on women, teen girls, and single women who are parenting; also seminars and forums on building healthy relationships.

Learn more about Reese via Twitter @LadyReeseSpeaks, Facebook, or her website www.ladyreesespeaks.com. You can also contact her directly via email at coachwithreese@reeselafrances.com

5. Dawn Shedrick of JenTex Training and Consulting

Dawn Shedrick’s mission is to support clients and professional staff members in flourishing in their chosen profession. Thus, JenTex Training & Consulting is grounded in the values of integrity, passion, innovation and excellence in continuing education and professional development for human services, healthcare, and mental health professionals.

JenTex’s core belief about professional development is quite simple: clients, organizations and communities thrive when they are served by well-trained professionals who feel good about the work they’re doing. JenTex designs and facilitates workshops, training programs and learning events that not only feature the most relevant content for helping professionals, but delivers them with the very passion and dynamism they wish for you to leave with.

Services: Continuing Education, Staff Development Consulting, Leadership Coaching, Workshop Design and Facilitation and Training.

Find out more about Dawn and JenTex via Twitter @JenTexTraining, Facebook, and their website www.jentextraining.com. Contact JenTex directly by email at info@jentextraining.com or by phone at (631) 231-4704.

6. Vallori Thomas of WOW Coaching and Consulting

Vallori Thomas’ mission is to support clients in cultivating fresh perspectives on life, learning and the things that matter to them the most. WOW Coaching and Consulting provides client-centered services that ensure maximum engagement, maximum results, and maximum satisfaction. WOW is invested in helping clients to “see around the corners,” and identify beliefs, patterns and behaviors that obstruct the path to the goals they set. Since every client is different, WOW artfully tailors its coaching methods to create a style of coaching particularly suited to individual client needs.

Services: Individual Coaching, Group Coaching, Think Like A Woman (specialty coaching for women) Youth Coaching, Leadership Development, Corporate Training, Workshop Design and Facilitation and Custom Packages.

Find out more about Vallori and WOW Coaching via Twitter @WOWCoachV, Facebook, and her website www.wowcoachingandconsulting.com. You can also contact Vallori directly by emal at Vallori@ValloriThomas.com.

7. Akilah C. Thompson of I Am B.E.A.U.T.Y.

Akilah’s mission is to to empower and inspire girls and women to be BEAUTY (Beautiful, Extraordinary, Ambitious, Unlimited, Talented and Young). Her company I Am B.E.A.U.T.Y. aims to build self-esteem by helping participants love who they are, believe in the leader they can become and equip them with the tools needed to accomplish their dreams. As a result, girls and women become bold, confident, passionate, purposeful and courageous. Program levels include I am BEAUTY Juniors (ages 8-12), Teens (14-18) and Women.

Services: Individual and group Coaching, Career Awareness and Mentorship, Personal and Professional Development, Leadership and Team Building, Girl Talk (girl centered workshops), I am BEAUTY Boot camp and Workshop Development and Facilitation.

Find out more about Akilah’s services via Twitter @IAmBeautyInc, Facebook, and her website www.iambeautyinc.com. You can also contact Akilah directly by email at akilah@iambeautyinc.com.

Cover photo: Shutterstock

Liz S. Alexander is an urgent, connected, and responsible woman. She is a womanist social worker, writer, and founder of She Dreams of Freedom (SDF), a project that uses media to raise awareness about the plight of girls in the juvenile justice. Liz is a regular contributor to For Harriet, as well as the Juvenile Justice Information Exchange (JJIE). She writes on themes of trauma, healing, spirituality, and social justice. Follow her on twitter @radicalwholenes.

by Stephanie Ghoston

by Amber Dorsey

A brand new year is upon us and all the life coaches are asking you to think about what goals you want to accomplish for the new year. And all the fitness gurus are giving their best pitches, encouraging you to make changes in your life. Instead, I find myself focusing on something different. Right now, there are about thousands—if not millions—of people writing out their wistful resolutions for a “New Year, New Me” blog post.

There are just a few days left in 2014, so many of us have already turned our sights on the New Year. While many people criticize New Year’s Resolutions, it is natural to reflect upon the previous year and to have general hopes or goals for the year ahead. And so often, Black women are discouraged from focusing on their own dreams and wellbeing. Thus, we’ve created a list of “resolutions” that every Black woman should think about adopting this year, as a way of affirming our self-worth.