There are many reasons to be skeptical of white allies. While the people of marginalized groups fight to live and thrive, allies often fight for kudos and spotlight. Those who need the most care have repeatedly been burned by the good intentions of people who claim they are here to help. Because of this, the marginalized become tasked with an additional burden of weeding out the self-interested.

We are not only battling apathy but entitlement. Too many well-meaning white folks think that their acknowledgement of a struggle against injustice gives them a right to co-opt it as they wish. They believe their mere presence so valuable that they go on to take up all of the space.
Hungarian journalist Boglarka Balogh called herself bringing attention to the plight of African tribes by having someone photoshop her into their traditional looks including hairstyles, tribal markings, coverings, and jewelry.

The photo series is shocking in its disregard for the significance of these cultural aesthetics. Balogh committed the most fundamental appropriation taboos and claims she is raising awareness of the endangered. That may be her genuine intention, but the project only manages to center whiteness, yet again, in a critical discussion of Black people and Black cultures. She has literally erased the women she claims to serve. This is objectification masked as admiration.

Her feeble attempt to utilize white privilege for good underscores that many white allies have yet to fully grasp the weight of their unearned social position. In typical colonizer fashion, Balogh believes that her white body elevates the cultures—that she can communicate more in the traditional garb of these tribes than the women to whom the heritage belongs.
Herein lies the hollowness of “raising awareness.” If that’s where it ends, it amounts to nothing more than exploitation because, ultimately, Balogh gets to return to the safety of whiteness.

We do not need white people to use their privilege to fuel their own narcissism. Privilege is best used as a bridge between those who have it and those who do not. Laying down is white people’s work.

Cede the floor. Usher those in who are rarely seen and heard. Allow the people who experience marginalization to tell their own stories. These are the first steps in preserving the dignity of a people who are continually overlooked. Our allies should not use the racial empathy gap as an excuse to be the face of oppression.
Marginalized people are skeptical of the privileged when they offer help because we would rather not be pawns in their fits of self-indulgence. And, truthfully, we have got to be better at screening those who desire to do this work before allowing them access to our spaces. Eagerness does not amount to competence. There’s no use in accepting aid and reproducing oppressive dynamics in the process.

In white supremacy, we are socialized to believe that Black bodies need co-signers, but the people of these tribes do not need a savior. Balogh with her resources and whiteness could just as easily have put together a photo series that features the authentic voices and likenesses of the women of these tribes. But she’s used them as props and further stripped them of their humanity.

If you really want to help, remember that your vanity projects are not activism.

Photo Courtesy Boglarka Balogh

Kimberly Foster is the founder and editor-in-chief of For Harriet. Email or Follow @KimberlyNFoster

by Jaimee A. Swift

During a recent diversity training, the discussion about race and racism emerged and the question was posed to the group about allyship in the Black Lives Matter movement.

Last week, Caitlyn Jenner broke the Internet when she debuted her new identity by sharing images of her Vanity Fair photoshoot online on Monday morning.

In 8th grade, I was part of a teen panel that traveled across the state promoting abstinence. If this group had any value, it began my understanding of the differences between gender and sexuality. During this time, I was taught that gender is how a person identifies as male or female; and sexuality is how a person identifies as a sexual being, either heterosexual or homosexual. While this helped me understand the difference between gender and sexuality at a young age, I came to see that this is a woefully inadequate and incomplete look at gender and sexuality.

I have since come to understand the there is a lot more to sexuality than binary gender identity and sexual orientation. Many cisgender, heterosexual (definitions below) people do not realize that both gender and sexuality fall on a spectrum and are often fluid. Accepting this is crucial to being a better ally to LGBTQ (or QUILTBAG) sisters who face unique experiences, oppressions, and issues due to how they identify in regards to their gender and sexual identities.

Below, I have included a few terms to describe orientation, attraction, identity, and relationship status. This is not an exhaustive list, as there are subcultures within many identities—and still, many people reject formal labels altogether—but it may work as a primer for those unfamiliar with the various types of sexual and gender identities throughout the spectrum. Also, please know that I welcome any corrections, clarifications and additions.

First, it is important to give more comprehensive definitions of gender and sexuality, than what many of us were taught in sex-ed classes:

Gender is how a person identifies and expresses themselves as male or female, or—for many—somewhere in-between. This relates to social and cultural norms, expectations, values, attitudes, and behaviors. Gender is not the same as biological sex, but many conflate the two.

Biological sex describes the kind of sex organs, chromosomes, and hormones a person has, and thus how they are often described: male, female, or intersex. Gender and biological sex are separate from each other.

Intersex refers to someone born with genitalia or sex characteristics not classified as male or female. It may also refer to someone born with genitalia or characteristics classified as both male and female. An intersex person may identify with any gender on the spectrum as well as intersex.

According to the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), sexuality is defined as:

encompass[ing] the sexual knowledge, beliefs, attitudes, values, and behaviors of individuals. Its various dimensions involve the anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry of the sexual response system; identity, orientation, roles, and personality; and thoughts, feelings, and relationships. Sexuality is influenced by ethical, spiritual, cultural, and moral concerns. All persons are sexual, in the broadest sense of the word.

Queer refers to when a person identifies as non-heteronormative. This can be gender or sexual identity, so I include it as a standalone term as an identity here.

Types of Attraction

An aesthetic attraction means a person has an impersonal attraction based on an appreciation of someone’s physical attributes or demeanor.




A romantic attraction means a person has an attraction based on a desire to experience a romantic relationship with someone.

A sensual attraction means a person has an attraction based on the desire to touch someone, but not necessarily in a sexual way.

A sexual attraction means a person has an attraction based on a desire to participate in sexual acts with someone.

Sexual Orientation and Romantic Attraction

(Note: Some people use the "-sexual" term to indicate both romantic and sexual attractions.)

Aromantic means a person does not experience romantic attraction.

Asexual means a person does not experience sexual attraction.

Autosexual means a person experiences self-gratification rather than other types of sexual activities.

Biromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to their own gender and a different gender(s).

Bisexual means a person experiences sexual attraction to their own gender and a different gender(s).

Gray-romantic means a person rarely experiences romantic attraction. It is sometimes used as an umbrella term for demi- and lithromantic.

Gray-sexual means a person rarely experiences sexual attraction. This means a person identifies in the gray area between asexuality and sexuality. It is also called semisexual, asexual-ish and sexual-ish. It is also sometimes used as an umbrella term for demi- and lithsexual.

Demiromantic means a person experiences a romantic attraction after developing a strong bond. This type of attraction usually occurs more often in romantic than sexual relationships but it occurs in both.

Demisexual means a person experiences a sexual attraction after developing a strong bond.

Heteroromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to gender(s) different than their own.

Heterosexual means a person experiences sexual attraction to gender(s) different than their own.

Homoromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to the same gender as their own.

Homosexual (most commonly referred to as gay or lesbian) means a person experiences sexual attraction to the same gender as their own.

Lithromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to others but does not desire reciprocation.

Lithsexual means a person experiences sexual attraction to others but does not desire reciprocation.

Panromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to all genders or regardless of gender.

Pansexual means a person experiences sexual attraction to all genders or regardless of gender.

Polyromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to multiple genders but not necessarily all genders.

Polysexual means a person experiences sexual attraction to multiple genders but not necessarily all genders.

Skolioromantic means a person experiences romantic attraction to non-binary gender individuals.

Skoliosexual means a person experiences sexual attraction to non-binary gender individuals.

Relationship

Monogamous means a person desires or seeks having an intimate and/or sexual partnership with one person.

Polyamorous means a person accepts, desires, or seeks having more than one intimate and/or sexual partnership with the consent of all individuals involved in the relationship.

Gender Identity

Agender refers to a person who does not identify with any gender.

Androgyny means a person has characteristics and/or a gender identity regarded as both masculine and feminine.

Bigender refers to a person who identifies as a combination of both binary genders.

Cisgender refers to a person who identifies with the gender assigned to them at birth.




Genderqueer refers to a person who identifies outside the gender binary and may include different genders like agender, bigender, pangender, and third gender.

Gender non-binary refers to a person who does not identify within a gender binary.

Neutrois refers to a person who does not identify with gender and falls neutrally between male and female.

Pangender refers to a person who identifies as all genders including non-binary genders.

Third Gender refers to someone who identifies as a gender part of a ternary gender system.

Transgender refers to a person who identifies as a different gender than the one assigned at birth.

Trigender refers to a person whose gender changes among female, male, and third gender.

Two Spirit refers to someone in an Aboriginal or indigenous culture who takes on multiple gender roles within that specific culture. Non-Aboriginal people may not identify as Two Spirit.

We should never assume a gender identity or sexual orientation for anyone and definitely should not use being cisgender or heterosexual as a default identity. It is important to respect the identities of non-heteronormative people and refer to them by the names and pronouns with which they identify. We must also accept and respect that gender identities and sexual orientations may change over time as they are fluid, but remain valid.

Photo: Shutterstock

Inda Lauryn has previously been published in Blackberry, A Magazine, Interfictions, The Toast, and Callaloo, as well as had her work featured on blogs such as Black Girl Nerds, Bitch Flicks, and AfroPunk. She is currently working on a novel and countless other unfinished writing projects, occasionally blogs at Corner Store Press and shares music playlists at MixCloud.

It’s a well-documented fact that shared oppression does not always foster a supportive and united front. Black women are super aware of the ways in which Black men—despite our joint experiences under racism—are often all too quick to step on us; perpetuate and dismiss our experiences of misogynoir; and gloss over our specific problems under white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy. This can be viewed in a nutshell by the current swathes of classist misogynoir being directed at Amber Rose by her ex-boyfriend, Kanye West, who has previously been vocal on issues of white supremacy both through his work and his words. Whilst the hate thrown at us by Black men is straight up abominable and is rightly a source of much frustration for Black women, we must remember that those of us who are cisgender and/or straight are not exempt from the ability to step on, degrade and oppress those who are meant to be our kinfolk, just like Black men do to us. That is, queer Black women are routinely let down by our heterosexual and/or cis sisters who are meant to have our backs.

by Viviane Rutabingwa

Recently I was involved in what I will hesitantly refer to as the most genuinely honest conversation that I have had across black/white racial lines about race. A very close girlfriend had asked us, 4 of her girlfriends compromised of three Black girls and one Asian – already close friends, to go over to her house to meet her visiting white sister-in-law for the first time. We shall refer to the sister in law as Heather.

The end of senior year is marked with dinners, parties, celebrations, and awards ceremonies. One such event took place at my residence hall a few nights before graduation. Normally I’d skip events like these; someone always managed to tarnish the night with their alcohol-induced lack of self-awareness. Still, this was our final formal dinner in a place we’d called home for the past three years and like everyone else, I wanted to celebrate accordingly.

”If you come only to help me, you can go back home. But if you consider my struggle as part of your struggle for survival, then maybe we can work together.”—Aboriginal wise woman

I have become increasingly bothered by the implications of the term ‘ally’. Particularly, I am disturbed by how some, from academics to entertainers, use this label to force themselves on marginalized groups and use them for their own platform. I accept that most people who identify with being an ally do so from a place of genuine concern for the issue. They are proud to be activists along with people who are more directly affected by a specific social injustice. For the most part, I do not question the sincerity of those who identify as allies, this is an important point I want to make from the start. However, I take issue with the implied sense of unaffectedness of the term, and how the behavior of some who identify as allies has been downright traitorous to the causes which they claim to be aligned. The entitlement expressed by some self-appointed allies to be the voice of their chosen cause and the accolades they get often times far surpass the group or movement with which they associate.