by Kimberly Foster @KimberlyNFoster

Ciara won, and so did Russell Wilson. The newly affianced couple have been unapologetic about their connection since they went public with their relationship about a year ago.  They have not been shy about sharing their affections on social media. The cuteness of each new photo and video they post surpasses the one that precedes it.

She said Yes!!!

Since Day 1 I knew you were the one. No Greater feeling... #TrueLove @Ciara pic.twitter.com/qsufVC6snm

— Russell Wilson (@DangeRussWilson) March 11, 2016

Last week, Wilson announced that he and Ciara are engaged via an Instagram post wherein he exclaims  “she said yes” while Ciara lets out an excited squeal and holds up her engagement ring, reportedly valued at $2M.
Even if the public displays of the future Wilsons aren’t your thing, their joy is undeniable.

But it is no surprise that Ciara’s happiness has aroused the bitterness of Fuck Boy Nation, the league of unimpressive misogynists whose fragile masculinities are threatened by the happiness of women who fall outside of their narrow definition of ideal Black womanhood.
According to FBN, because Ciara is a single mother who has previously made unfortunate choices in love, she is forever underserving of a caring, attentive partner like Wilson. They’ve branded Ciara a hoe, despite having less than a handful of public relationships, and a hood rat, despite her being a successful multihypenate for more than a decade.

This logic makes complete sense to men who simply cannot come to terms with the fact they they are, in fact, the undesirables. They relate to Future--the man who slanders the mother of his child, pretends to be an addict, and spends little time with his son--and paint him the victim.

But they are completely divorced from reality. These men are not Russells. They’re not even Futures. They’re holding on to Ciara’s mythical “damage” because thy are incensed by seeing Ciara and women like her bounce back.

Wilson, who is a divorcee, is in no way settling. He has long had his eye on Ciara. And it’s not difficult to see why. She is a stunning beauty with her own career and money who has managed to stay above the fray despite Future’s inappropriate public comments on her sex life and parenting.  She did not even trash him for cheating on her while she was pregnant.
Frankly, Ciara dodged a massive bullet. She chose a man who turned out to be a terrible partner. It happens.  And now not only did she defy the odds, she’s living a real life fairy tale. She found a wealthy, incredibly good looking man who has embraced her child and whisks her away on exotic vacations.

Ciara’s experiencing a next level glow up, one I wish for every woman. There is literally no scenario in which a move from Future to Russell Wilson would not be considered an upgrade. The haters, however, will stay mad. Instead of applauding a 30 year old woman for her personal growth, they’ll wish she were still stuck.  So while FBN whines, we’re cheering her on.

Kimberly Foster is the founder and editor-in-chief of For Harriet. Email or Follow @KimberlyNFoster

By Layna Jade

Last month, I went to the wedding of one of my oldest friends. Well, technically I was in the wedding as one of her lovely bridesmaids and although there were some bridezilla type issues (ironically, not coming from the bride), everything was quite lovely.

by Veronica Agard

The Black experience in the United States has always been paradoxical in nature, as our historical memory knows that it has been one of constant struggle. However, in the face of the violence, poverty, trauma, systemic oppression and death, we have continued to thrive.

But after rolling to protests, having emotionally charged conversations with White “allies,” and witnessing how many folks on my newsfeed were more concerned about Cecil the Lion than Sandra Bland, I’ve been reminded that be Black in America is to be tired. As it’s been said time and time again, being Black in America is exhausting – we’re supposed to just play sports, make White America laugh or sing along to (apolitical) music, and stay silent while the heteropatriarchal White supremacist system kills us. All to diminish our spirit and potential.



Society currently presents the intersection of thriving and surviving as a challenge; an impossible aspiration that seems less and less obtainable when bombarded by the mainstream news cycle. Systematic hurdles and barriers exist at every turn and dictate how we should be living our lives and imply that we should not aspire for more. As the medical data confirms that Black folks and other people of color suffer from generational trauma in the forms of high blood pressure, heart disease, strokes, diabetes, and other preventable illnesses, we are forced to buy back into a medical system that has historically harmed us. The capitalist structure is not truly designed for wellness, in fact, it invested in perpetuating illness as a means of profit.

While there is hope in holistic medicine and campaigns encouraging us to get physically healthy, such as Black Girls Run! and FLOTUS Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move!, we cannot afford to solely focus on the body. We have to place an emphasis on the spirit and what (collective) joy looks like for us as individuals and as a people. In this (new) movement for Black liberation, there has to be an emphasis on celebrating and cultivation Black joy as well. Black liberation has a long history – from the liberation theology born in the Civil Rights Movement, to the radical teachings of Assata Shakur and the Black Liberation Army – and proves to be more relevant than ever in our movements. Whether you seek liberation in the church or through direct action, can we truly liberate ourselves as a people if we do not acknowledge and emphasize the role of sustaining ourselves in mind, body and spirit?

If we are going to have Black liberation, we must continue to strive for wholeness and wellness in the face of all the ills of the world. For me, Black joy is both the collective experiences and the personal triumphs of our people. Black joy looks different for everyone and can be found in a variety of forms; in simple acts of self-care, spending time with loved ones, or indulging yourself by working on those projects you’ve been putting off. Starting a journal, getting to know your creative side through a form of art, developing a circle of sisters, or taking yourself out on the town. Even if it’s just five minutes, making the time to sit down to (re)discover what brings you happiness is a liberatory act.

by Krislyn Domingue

by Kesiena Boom

For anyone who knows me — and quite a few people who don’t (thanks to this essay I recently published about the whole sorry mess) — it’s no secret that I have made some really awful decisions with regard to my love life. To be specific, it is widely known that for a significant period of time I dated and lusted after white women who could be described, quite frankly, as ‘the worst.’ I misguidedly and self-destructively sought acceptance and worth in the arms of whiteness, as though it could strengthen my sense of self and firmly place me in the box marked ‘validated.’ Luckily for me, there was light at the end of the ‘internalised racism/reverence of white girls’ tunnel and now I’m firmly of the belief that dating another Black woman is the best thing a queer Black girl can do for herself. I really believe that even if you happen to live around the most switched on and knowledgable white women in the world — who take the time to make themselves aware of the way that racism operates — and consistently and quietly tackle it in their everyday lives, you should still date a Black woman.

by Tamika D. Hawkins

I recently took my four-year-old daughter to see Cinderella – it was a live action, modern twist on a classic tale of love conquers all, mixed in with a dash of dreams do come true and brought together with the magical touch of a fairy godmother’s wand. Wouldn’t life be grand if this was all it took? If I could dream it and it would come. If I could wish it and it would appear. In my best Laurence Fishburne-inspired School Daze scream – WAKE UP.

As black women we are both blessed and a blessing to others. And often, we choose to share our blessings with one another in the form of sisterhood. This sisterhood in action is witnessed by taking care of each other. But what does taking care of each other really mean, when we so often see examples of black women tearing each other apart in the media? I offer that it is when we place value in our ability to bring a moment of peace and connection to another sister in distress. After all, we never know when the tables will turn and we’ll find ourselves needing a sister’s hand. We should do this for and with each other from the heart and with good intention, for good returns good.

Over a period of three months, Piper Anderson and Marlon Peterson, two friends, wrote to each other about love. Piper is a writer, educator, juvenile justice advocate, and cultural worker who grew up in a family that struggled with drug addiction and domestic violence. Marlon is a writer, social justice advocate, and community justice strategist who spent the past 15 years of his life in prison and parole. 

by Tyler Young