by Denise Nichole Andrews @DeniseNicohle

Black women often take on huge responsibilities that put us at the forefront of our communities and families. In times of urgency, this serves us well as we become the agents of change and leaders of equality and justice. However, more often than not, we are taken advantage of by the very same individuals we seek to help, educate, and “save”. Here are six types of people who don’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
Ignorant Friends and Colleagues

Some people just don’t get our causes and issues. Many don’t understand #BlackLivesMatter or #BlackGirlMagic so we decide to make it our mission to inform them. In the process, we exhaust our resources and efforts on the wrong people. We spend too much time arguing and debating and not enough time advocating and rallying. Your ignorant boss or friend does not make or break the cause. Those people are not our problems. What they fail to understand is not a reflection of our wrongdoing, but a consequence of their own ignorance. Let them be. You are not responsible for changing them.

Significant others who don’t contribute

Relationships are meaningful and rewarding when shared with the right person but that hope can come to a standstill when you try to force it. If your significant other does not support you, encourage you, or motivate you in the ways that matter- it may be time to say Bye Felicia! Takers are easy to find, but givers are harder to come by. Any person that wants to stick around in your life must earn it. It’s up to you to decide those grounds. But if anything believe us when we say that you are worthy.

Ungrateful Adult Children

Parents may find that their role as mothers do not stop when their children turn eighteen. No, motherhood is defined by a lifetime of sacrifice and support yet it can be easy to forget when enough is enough. Adult children are not entitled to your financial support and shelter. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to tell to figure it out. Constantly coming to their rescue when they are in a time of need, may prevent them from gaining the skills they need to become successful on their own. If you want to see them fly, let them open their wings.

Judgmental Family Members

Many of us hope to gain our family’s approval by living a life that is pleasing to them, but often times that goal becomes impossible to obtain. Family members may adopt harsh attitudes and feel the need to criticize everything from your weight, to your decision to rock natural hair, changing your college major, or skipping church on Sundays. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Their approval means nothing if you aren’t happy. You don’t have to change everything you are to make them proud because in the end that will leave you empty and unfulfilled.

Toxic Friends

You’ve known these types of friends since you were six or you met them in college and have always had a strong bond. Yet somewhere along the line you grew up, and they did not. They still hit you up to go to grimey clubs or ask you for money. When you give in and make plans, they may show up late or make excuses for flaking. Unfortunately, this is something you expect since its impossible to rely on them. Don’t ignore that voice that tells you when these situations are bad. Don’t ignore the voice that tells you to run! Your discomfort and stress around toxic friends speaks volumes of your relationship with them. It may be time to let them go.
Frenemies, Exes, and Old Flames

Remember that girl that you just didn’t like in high school? Or the colleague who always shot your ideas down? You’re friends on Facebook you say? What! Why? Just because you know them doesn’t mean you have to keep in touch with them. The relationship has already run its course, there is no need to constantly remind yourself of the disappointment. You may think having them around is motivating since they can see all of your current progress and success. It may even feel good to rub it in their face with a very sexy selfie from time to time. Yet, seeking their acceptance and trying to impress them is a waste of time. If there is no sincerity on your part how can you expect the same from them? Delete them or block them. Do whatever you have to remove that negativity from your life.

It’s time to live for you and nobody else. There’s no reason that you should go above and beyond or out of your way for the people that drain you of all that you are. You deserve more. You deserve better. Let the haters hate. Let the spectators watch. Let the dogs bark and the gossipers’ gossip. You have a life to live. You have an empire to build. You have dreams to turn in to reality. Yeah girl, you got work to do. You don’t have to answer to anybody but you. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.

Denise Nichole Andrews explores identity, relationships, and mental health through various art forms and mediums.

There is one thing Black women too rarely enjoy that can have wondrous personal impacts, not only on self-esteem but also on mental health: traveling alone. Of course, family vacations or weekend getaways with friends and significant others can offer a break, but we often don't afford our minds, bodies and souls what is necessary to heal and grow. It's a form of self-denial that is easy to ignore but the cumulative effects can include heightened levels of stress, anxiety, weight gain or any number of ailments associated with too little time to recalibrate away from life's demands. Don't let that be you.

by Nichola K. Brown, LICSW
Solitude is a necessary and important part of our humanity. It is also an important part of the creative process. Paying attention to the time when we need to withdraw is the ultimate sign of self-preservation and self-love. When we ignore these times we may not be able to offer the very best version of ourselves and my even cause us to be stuck both personally and professionally. These quotes are great reminder of the power of rest and solitude. Give yourself permission to rest and feed your soul.

by Diana Veiga

Life is hard. It can be extra hard for a Black girl who will one day become a Black woman. What do you tell her about this thing called life and how to navigate the twists and turns? What pearls, what gems, what lessons will help her along the way? Here are 10 powerful quotes by powerful Black women whose lives and accomplishments have been able to light a path for the rest of us. Teach Black girls about these Black women (and others of course), teach them these quotes, and the lessons within them.

by Felice León

“By the mere fact that you are living in this world, you have the obligation, and the duty to make it a better place.” Said my mother in our most recent debate. She had an authoritative, “let me school you” tone that Black women of a certain age often take on. Think Clair Huxtable meets Iyanla Vanzant. “But I owe the world nothing; I’m not indebted,” I said, trying to get a word-in. My mother shook her head in disagreement. “There is a reason that you were born on earth, in this space, at this time. It’s a privilege. Being positive is the least that you can do.” By nature I’m a positive person and often refer to myself as a buoyant optimist, so I get the importance of being positive. The point of contention here was whether I owe the world my positivity. Whether or not I have a debt to this world. I grumbled, rolled my eyes and attempted to think of a comeback filled with $100 words. No dice.

by Cherise Luter

Full disclosure, I am a huge fan of Oprah Winfrey. Being that she is a billionaire, head of a media empire, beloved the world over, and is visibly unapologetic regarding the decisions she has made for herself personally and professionally, I consider her a role model for the ages. I look at her and see all that is possible for myself as an entrepreneurially minded black woman.

by Quanisha Smith

by Kara Stevens of The Frugal Feminista

Are you happy? There is a happy black woman revolution happening! We are making decisions to get out of life everything we want: beautiful bodies, strong romantic relationships, healthy family connections, meaningful friendships, money, preferred careers, and grounded spirituality. We are doing it by monitoring how we think, what we believe, and how we act. Here are just a few of the things that happy black women know:

Self-love is the ability to see yourself as a worthy and valuable person regardless of your situation in life.

People often confuse self-love with self-care.  Self-care are the actions you take to support and care for yourself.  Often, self-care is inspired by self-love, but they're not quite the same.  Self-love isn't necessarily attached to any particular action.  Self-love is a perspective, a way of thinking, which permeates every aspect of your life.

by Tonya Ladipo, LCSW

Shame is such a crippling emotion as it is the most extreme version of embarrassment coupled with guilt. There are two types of shame that we experience, Earned Shame and Given Shame.

The shame that is earned is from our own doing and hand. It comes from when we've hurt someone or done something wrong. It is the emotion that results from knowing better but not having done better. As awful as it feels this type of shame actually can be very useful. It becomes part of our moral compass and tells us when we've gone out of bounds. It reminds us of what's right. The guilt that comes with shame from doing wrong is a strong motivator to do differently next time.

Truth be told, I felt sick, awful, and could barely talk. I had myself convince myself to seek medical attention for some kind of assistance. I was not sure why but I went.

“Can you verify your date of birth please?” Before, I could even answer the nurse informs me that I was about to be the BIG THREE ZERO in just a few weeks. I must have blacked for a second because there I was in my high school cafeteria with my high school friends. We were talking about all our life plans and how amazing it would be when we would be adults while eating nachos. I, myself was listening to others talk but thinking how I would be wife, mother, college graduate, world traveler by the time I was 30. I believed at the time that my children and my best-friend children would play outside in the yard together while our husband drink beer. The two of us would go walking in our upscale diverse neighborhood after work while dinner was cooking in the crock pot.

by Takeallah Russell

1. You have the right to wear extensions or a relaxer,without having someone touch your hair without your permission, ask if it is real, or accuse you of denying your blackness and embracing Euro-centric beauty standards.
2. You have the right to wear your hair in natural hairstyles without having someone touch your hair without permission, ask if it is real, or accuse you of being “too black.”

by Jolie Doggett of justJOLIE

Is it racist to prefer to see people who look like you in places of fame, beauty, and adoration? Singer/Songwriter (and eye-candy) Maxwell recently took to Instagram calling many of his followers “racists” when they commented on his photos complaining about not seeing enough women of color on his Instagram.

by Denise Hart

Wouldn't it be terrific if all the stuff from the past that we don't want in the present, would just stay in the past where it belongs? If only life were so simple.

I commonly receive requests for support and coaching to deal with things like:

by Kara Stevens

Are you happy? There is a happy black woman revolution happening! We are making decisions to get out of life everything we want: beautiful bodies, strong romantic relationships, healthy family connections, meaningful friendships, money, preferred careers, and grounded spirituality. We are doing it by monitoring how we think, what we believe, and how we act. Here are just a few of the things that happy black women know:

by Renee Simms

Dear Rachel,

You are doing a very good job of testifying in the Trayvon Martin murder trial. Taking the witness stand to talk about the death of your friend, reliving the last time you heard his voice by answering endless, probing questions in front of strangers, must be unimaginably hard. But you’ve presented yourself with grace and dignity. This is no small feat when the defense attorney is attempting to tarnish your character and the character of your friend who was killed.

by Denise J. Hart

Yes, the secret to maintaining your momentum is to take a break. Or, "get somewhere and sit down," as my one of my good girlfriends likes to say. Here's the thing, if you're too busy to eat, go to the bathroom or stop and have a meaningful conversation with your kids you might need to do the absolute most important thing you can ever do to maintain your success momentum, stop and take a well deserved break. Maybe a short one or maybe even a long one, but a break will do you far more good than continuing to move a break neck speed ever will.

by Kristie Kennedy 

As a first generation entrepreneur I have experienced a gamut of amazing adventures in pursuit of my purpose and passion. In retrospect, I see glimpses of what I was predestined to become in this world. I remember having a vivid imagination as a child. My childhood friends and I had our own shoe store called the Kangaroo Company.

by Marsha Philitas of www.thetrifectatribe.com

As a ForHarriet.com reader, you most likely feel called to accomplish change for women of color (whether or not you are clear on what that change may be). You’re in good company here. The thing that I’ve noticed about changemakers and loving souls like you, is that while most of us want change (in our lives or in the world), we hesitate to make that change a reality because we keep our eyes focused on our flaws.

by Kristie Kennedy

There always seems to be more work than hours in the day to complete it. This presents an internal struggle for many women who battle with the superwoman syndrome. How can you recognize whether you are a proponent of this ever increasing epidemic? Ask yourself these questions: