by Dee Rene

“When did things get this bad?”

Opening the door to my apartment after a stint in the hospital from a mental breakdown was sobering. Everything was the same as I had left it, a pot in the sink, a jacket tossed carelessly over the couch, and yet nothing was the same at all. There was no work to go to on Monday because depression had swallowed me whole and I was now on disability. There were no classes to prepare for because I hadn’t been able to keep up with the course work when things fell apart. Friends were gone, family deaths and romantic love was nothing but a festering painful memory.

Welcome to rock bottom. Bad days had come and gone but I had managed to find a way to survive. Somehow this was different. I had no idea where to go, what to do, who to call or even where to start.

Rock bottom is that devastating moment where you realize there is no lower point, although you are sure it could be worse and that things are “worse” for other people, this is the lowest it’s ever been for you and moving from this place seems impossible. However, if you resist the urge to make rock bottom a grave, you may see that rock bottom can ultimately benefit your life. J.K. Rowling spoke the truth in her Harvard Commencement Speech when she said, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life.”




Here are some lessons I learned when I hit rock bottom.

You must deal with yourself. No more distractions. No more money. No more friends and fun. It is just you and your mess. Stop blaming anyone else and stop getting lost in hypotheticals of how things in the past could have been different. All you can deal with is right now. Now what? Rock bottom is not the time to call yourself a failure but it is the time to admit when you screwed up. Separate your worth as a person from the actions that led you here.

You discover the beauty in starting over. Rebuilding is daunting but you can find encouragement in knowing that now you have a chance to rebuild in a way that you truly desire and need. Rebuild friendships or let them go. Find your dream job or finally go after what you really want. Now is the time, as your life has been stripped of what you once held so dearly, you can evaluate what is really important. When you get past the crippling pain, find the strength in letting go and the beauty in starting over.

With your back to the wall, and your resources depleted, you learn one simple truth about yourself – you can overcome the worst moment of your life. It becomes fuel for survival. No one is stronger than the person who reached their breaking point and lived to tell the tale. Limits become fluid and you understand that slamming into the wall of life hurts like hell but recovery is possible.

Rock bottom makes you an example of survival. Someone else is waiting on your survival through your darkest times so that you can encourage them about how to crawl out of the hole.




Although you won’t see it in the moment, hitting rock bottom can actually improve your life. Rock bottom can become a mirror, a clean slate, a testimony and a teaching tool for others. Give yourself space and time to hurt, to understand and assess your pain, to grieve your losses, and then… get up. Get back up and live your life because if you are still breathing, rock bottom is a stepping stone and not a grave.

by Quanisha Smith 

Everyday Black women face countless acts of violence against our personhood. Many of you may read the first statement as a gross exaggeration, but consider this: We are told by popular media and culture that our skin color, body shape, hair texture and a plethora of other physical and behavioral attributes associated with our race and culture are undesirable, unworthy, and inferior. This is the reason for our call to action to simply matter.

As individuals hold multiple markers of identity besides their race and gender, these experiences become compounded as we encounter others’ attitudes regarding gender, ethnicity, sexuality, class and so forth. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we internalize these viewpoints. How do we guard ourselves from these constant assaults against our womanhood?
Over the past few years, I have personally and professionally coached Black women through the process of staying true and authentic while dealing with the real weight of life experiences rooted in oppression and privilege. As a woman who has battled with mental illness since my teens, in the past five years, I have become overly protective of my emotional wellness. I’ve taken my fight for self-healing and mental health to new levels through academic and professional trainings. What I learned, and know for sure, is that life circumstances do not have to dictate how I feel, believe, or think about myself. Also, circumstances do not have to determine how I will act nor how I will lead my life.


Once I learned to break these harmful chains of internal oppression, rooted in a self-perception that “things keep happening to me” and shifted my paradigm to know “I create my reality,” the ability to handle micro-aggressions, stereotypes, and societal malfunctions/disappointments became much easier. I began to work towards my self-actualization.

Notable feminist, bell hooks in her self-recovery book, Sisters of the Yam, urges Black women to see self-actualization as part of our political efforts to resist White supremacy and sexist oppression. Audre Lorde calls for Black women to place our struggles to self-actualization at the center of our daily life. She exclaims, “And it is empowerment — our strengthening in the service of ourselves and each other and future — that will be the result of the pursuit.” The pursuit is the quest for Black women to reclaim each other and ourselves. hooks expands on Lorde’s assertion as she explains the power of choice in the larger sociopolitical system,

“Choosing ‘wellness’ is an act of political resistance. Before Black women can effectively sustain engagement in organized resistance struggle, in the Black liberation movement, we need to undergo a process of self-recovery that can heal individual wounds that may prevent us from functioning fully.”

Black female self-recovery is an expression of liberatory political practice because we were never meant to be well and to reach our own self-actualization.

Through the strategies I share below, you can release internalized views of inferiority and break patterns of negative thinking, which often lead to depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Let’s create a new reality rooted in happiness, strength and self-love.

1. Remember Who You Be

You are fierce! You make a way out of no way and you win! You may have been the first in your family to graduate from college. You are a leader in your community. You are a take-charge woman who is brilliant and bold. When circumstances or people cause you to doubt yourself, recall who you are and draw on that fortitude to keep going.

Take Action: It’s easy to get lost in self-criticism. Let’s focus on how great you are. List 3-5 moments in your life where you felt good about yourself. This could be a major accomplishment (i.e. winning a grant) or a positive experience that simply made you feel good (i.e visiting the beach, etc.)

2. Declare Your Needs

Make a list of what you need out of life. It’s okay to need certain things out of life. These are your desires. Think about your values, how do you need them to show up in your life? (ex. I need to surround myself with people who want to uplift their communities; I need a partner who values my work and passions, etc.)

Take Action: Learn how to discover your values. Follow the three-step process outlined here: Who You Be? How Black Women Can Live Authentically

3. Identify Limiting Beliefs

As a woman thinketh, so she is. We can create our desired life through setting clear intentions and taking conscious actions toward them. After you get clear your desires, you have to make sure your beliefs align with them. Beliefs are simply a framework of thoughts that form our worldview. It’s important that we tend to our thoughts because we attract what we think about most. Essentially, we create our reality through our thinking. Also, our thinking impacts our emotional expressions.

Take Action: Name your doubts. As you completed the above activities, what thoughts came to mind? Did you have any doubts or beliefs that arose as to why you couldn’t have those desires? Write them down. Challenge yourself to reframe these worldviews. Ask yourself: Is this always true? Is there another way to look at this situation? What if this thought is wrong, what then?
4. Release

Once you have gotten in the place to a place of clarity through the above steps, then you must learn to let go. If we continue to focus on what’s lacking in our lives, then we will continue to focus on scarcity and fear. Constantly living in tate of low vibrations will only bring in more of the same unwanted circumstances.

Take Action: Envision your new reality and live. Do things that make you happy. Reach your highest self. Contribute to your wellbeing and that of your community.

Ultimately, trust that all will work out for your highest good and the highest good of all concerned.

Leave a comment: How will you be well today?

Photo: Shutterstock

Quanisha Smith is the founder and Chief Activator of Black Women Rise Movement. She explores issues centered on Black women, leadership, and social change. Visit Black Women Rise & Grab the FREE Guide: 12 Effective Leadership Resources for Black Women.

by Aph Ko

While discussions about racism, white supremacy, and civil rights are currently dominating public discourse, I find that it’s relevant, more than ever, to discuss the importance of black independent media. As a 25-year-old young black media producer and content creator, I’ve found that digital media can be an awesome space for merging entertainment and social justice.