by Denise Nichole Andrews @DeniseNicohle

Black women often take on huge responsibilities that put us at the forefront of our communities and families. In times of urgency, this serves us well as we become the agents of change and leaders of equality and justice. However, more often than not, we are taken advantage of by the very same individuals we seek to help, educate, and “save”. Here are six types of people who don’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
Ignorant Friends and Colleagues

Some people just don’t get our causes and issues. Many don’t understand #BlackLivesMatter or #BlackGirlMagic so we decide to make it our mission to inform them. In the process, we exhaust our resources and efforts on the wrong people. We spend too much time arguing and debating and not enough time advocating and rallying. Your ignorant boss or friend does not make or break the cause. Those people are not our problems. What they fail to understand is not a reflection of our wrongdoing, but a consequence of their own ignorance. Let them be. You are not responsible for changing them.

Significant others who don’t contribute

Relationships are meaningful and rewarding when shared with the right person but that hope can come to a standstill when you try to force it. If your significant other does not support you, encourage you, or motivate you in the ways that matter- it may be time to say Bye Felicia! Takers are easy to find, but givers are harder to come by. Any person that wants to stick around in your life must earn it. It’s up to you to decide those grounds. But if anything believe us when we say that you are worthy.

Ungrateful Adult Children

Parents may find that their role as mothers do not stop when their children turn eighteen. No, motherhood is defined by a lifetime of sacrifice and support yet it can be easy to forget when enough is enough. Adult children are not entitled to your financial support and shelter. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to tell to figure it out. Constantly coming to their rescue when they are in a time of need, may prevent them from gaining the skills they need to become successful on their own. If you want to see them fly, let them open their wings.

Judgmental Family Members

Many of us hope to gain our family’s approval by living a life that is pleasing to them, but often times that goal becomes impossible to obtain. Family members may adopt harsh attitudes and feel the need to criticize everything from your weight, to your decision to rock natural hair, changing your college major, or skipping church on Sundays. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Their approval means nothing if you aren’t happy. You don’t have to change everything you are to make them proud because in the end that will leave you empty and unfulfilled.

Toxic Friends

You’ve known these types of friends since you were six or you met them in college and have always had a strong bond. Yet somewhere along the line you grew up, and they did not. They still hit you up to go to grimey clubs or ask you for money. When you give in and make plans, they may show up late or make excuses for flaking. Unfortunately, this is something you expect since its impossible to rely on them. Don’t ignore that voice that tells you when these situations are bad. Don’t ignore the voice that tells you to run! Your discomfort and stress around toxic friends speaks volumes of your relationship with them. It may be time to let them go.
Frenemies, Exes, and Old Flames

Remember that girl that you just didn’t like in high school? Or the colleague who always shot your ideas down? You’re friends on Facebook you say? What! Why? Just because you know them doesn’t mean you have to keep in touch with them. The relationship has already run its course, there is no need to constantly remind yourself of the disappointment. You may think having them around is motivating since they can see all of your current progress and success. It may even feel good to rub it in their face with a very sexy selfie from time to time. Yet, seeking their acceptance and trying to impress them is a waste of time. If there is no sincerity on your part how can you expect the same from them? Delete them or block them. Do whatever you have to remove that negativity from your life.

It’s time to live for you and nobody else. There’s no reason that you should go above and beyond or out of your way for the people that drain you of all that you are. You deserve more. You deserve better. Let the haters hate. Let the spectators watch. Let the dogs bark and the gossipers’ gossip. You have a life to live. You have an empire to build. You have dreams to turn in to reality. Yeah girl, you got work to do. You don’t have to answer to anybody but you. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.

Denise Nichole Andrews explores identity, relationships, and mental health through various art forms and mediums.

by Dee Rene

I prepare for the holidays like I’m bracing for impact: Buckle down. Grin and bear it. It’ll be over soon. Although I enjoy the excuse to eat too many sweets, the holidays often hurt for a multitude of reasons. A few years ago, one of my favorite family members passed away, leaving a noticeable empty seat at the table and missing dessert from the spread. Thanksgiving dinner is now cut short, as everyone dashes out for Black Friday sales. Or, like this year, I had to return a gift for a boyfriend turned ex right as the holidays rolled into town.

By Kristina Patrice

This is my first time taking college courses in a quarter format. Sixteen weeks’ worth of material, in a 7.5-week time span, seemed like it would be easy to handle and only a slight adjustment from the standard semester schedule. It can be handled, but coupled with a full-time job, it can be overwhelming unless you have a strategic plan.

by Charmaine Griffin

by Crystal Tennille Irby

There she was, Miss America. She was intelligent. She was talented. She was beautiful. And she was Black. In 1983, Vanessa Williams became the first Black woman to hold the title of Miss America. Rooms fell silent at the sight of her on television. It was not only a proud moment in Black history but also a momentous moment in American history.

By Nayja A. Williams

Friend: noun, a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

By Nneka M. Okona

Zora Neale Hurston, the foremother of Black women’s literature, so eloquently penned that Black women were “de mule uh de world” and even many, many years later, we can see how this statement still rings true. Black women are seen as the pillars of strength in nearly every circle we comprise. We are the backbones of our families, the shoulder always called upon to cry on. We are supposed to readily perform strength, on demand, no matter what our emotional or mental state.

By Jaimee A. Swift

With our current state of affairs, the mental, emotional and even physical fatigue that is ignited by the onslaught of racism, racialized gender violence, sexism and other harrowing issues can be utterly overwhelming. Although it is important to engaged and conscious to the horrific events and news occurring in our world, it is equally important to maintain our peace, manage our self-care and to continuously manifest our Black Joy.

A bit of nostalgia always crosses my mind when I think back on my college career. There were late nights spent dance battling in the living room with my roommates and even longer nights spent in the library preparing for finals. Experience is an exceptional teacher and looking back, I wish I knew a few things before I took those first few steps on campus.

By Najya Williams

At the time of Trayvon Martin’s death, I was an eighth grader on my way to high school. I first heard the news of this horrific racial injustice on the radio, and to say I was shocked is an understatement. It was my first experience with racial injustice not only in my generation, but in this era. Four years and dozens of stolen lives later, I was as emotionally drained as I had ever been. The constant fear of becoming another hashtag or developing one for someone in my inner circle paralyzed my thoughts daily. Am I next? Will I become another hashtag? How am I supposed to want to bring children into this type of environment?

by Aydrea Walden

When was the last time you found yourself saying something like this:
“Ugh. I should just go out.”
“I feel really bad for not being there.”
“I know he doesn’t understand why I need to be alone right now.”

by Delilah Johnson

We've all heard the African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child." But have you ever thought of what it takes to raise a woman?

by Dalila Thomas

Let’s face it. These days, Black women are doing the damn thing–especially in the workplace. And whether you’re being brilliant in the boardroom or exceeding as an entrepreneur, there’s always room for improvement when it comes to getting the job done. Here are 10 Career Tips for Black Women that will help you keep it classy and cute and most importantly, respected, while bringing home the bacon.

by Saaraa Bailey

We fall in love much like we begin life—naive and full of hope. Like many women around the world, I have experienced certain romantic issues that jilted my perception of relationships. I call these embodiments of my romantic misfortune the five types of “Mr. Wrongs.” Collaboratively, the men of my past paved my road to love and ultimately self discovery in blood, sweat, tears, and heartache.

by Anna Gibson

When I first came out of the closet, I was shunned almost immediately. I attended Detroit’s Mumford High School in 2004. Back then, the kids attached a negative stereotype to each of the public schools. These associations were often exaggerated and not true, but the schools were still spoken of by their nicknames. Murray Wright was known as “Murder Wright” because of the violence that occurred there. Pershing High was said to be overrun with students who had STDs. Finally, Mumford was nicknamed “Dykeford.” It was well known that there were a ton of gay and lesbian students who attended the school. As the name implies, the stigma toward black LGBTQ youth was real and it often spilled over into violence.

by Tabia Alexine for Blavity

Below is a must-read list of things all Black women don't hear often enough, based off of the many others like it that simply miss the mark. If you’re sick of lists for women that exclude any of us not living storybook perfect lives, this one’s for you.

by Dalila Thomas


By now, we’re all familiar with the phrase “think like a man” when it comes to relationships, but what about applying this logic to your career? There are many things that women do, or don’t do, that hinders their ability to move ahead in the workplace. By tweaking our attitudes and getting smart about how we play the game, we can set ourselves up for success and progress in our professional lives.

by Kimberly Elise

If you’ve ever travelled by airplane, you’ve likely heard the flight attendants state, “Remember to put your oxygen mask on before attempting to help others,” during their speech on safety procedures.

Continue reading