by Denise Nichole Andrews @DeniseNicohle

Black women often take on huge responsibilities that put us at the forefront of our communities and families. In times of urgency, this serves us well as we become the agents of change and leaders of equality and justice. However, more often than not, we are taken advantage of by the very same individuals we seek to help, educate, and “save”. Here are six types of people who don’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
Ignorant Friends and Colleagues

Some people just don’t get our causes and issues. Many don’t understand #BlackLivesMatter or #BlackGirlMagic so we decide to make it our mission to inform them. In the process, we exhaust our resources and efforts on the wrong people. We spend too much time arguing and debating and not enough time advocating and rallying. Your ignorant boss or friend does not make or break the cause. Those people are not our problems. What they fail to understand is not a reflection of our wrongdoing, but a consequence of their own ignorance. Let them be. You are not responsible for changing them.

Significant others who don’t contribute

Relationships are meaningful and rewarding when shared with the right person but that hope can come to a standstill when you try to force it. If your significant other does not support you, encourage you, or motivate you in the ways that matter- it may be time to say Bye Felicia! Takers are easy to find, but givers are harder to come by. Any person that wants to stick around in your life must earn it. It’s up to you to decide those grounds. But if anything believe us when we say that you are worthy.

Ungrateful Adult Children

Parents may find that their role as mothers do not stop when their children turn eighteen. No, motherhood is defined by a lifetime of sacrifice and support yet it can be easy to forget when enough is enough. Adult children are not entitled to your financial support and shelter. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to tell to figure it out. Constantly coming to their rescue when they are in a time of need, may prevent them from gaining the skills they need to become successful on their own. If you want to see them fly, let them open their wings.

Judgmental Family Members

Many of us hope to gain our family’s approval by living a life that is pleasing to them, but often times that goal becomes impossible to obtain. Family members may adopt harsh attitudes and feel the need to criticize everything from your weight, to your decision to rock natural hair, changing your college major, or skipping church on Sundays. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Their approval means nothing if you aren’t happy. You don’t have to change everything you are to make them proud because in the end that will leave you empty and unfulfilled.

Toxic Friends

You’ve known these types of friends since you were six or you met them in college and have always had a strong bond. Yet somewhere along the line you grew up, and they did not. They still hit you up to go to grimey clubs or ask you for money. When you give in and make plans, they may show up late or make excuses for flaking. Unfortunately, this is something you expect since its impossible to rely on them. Don’t ignore that voice that tells you when these situations are bad. Don’t ignore the voice that tells you to run! Your discomfort and stress around toxic friends speaks volumes of your relationship with them. It may be time to let them go.
Frenemies, Exes, and Old Flames

Remember that girl that you just didn’t like in high school? Or the colleague who always shot your ideas down? You’re friends on Facebook you say? What! Why? Just because you know them doesn’t mean you have to keep in touch with them. The relationship has already run its course, there is no need to constantly remind yourself of the disappointment. You may think having them around is motivating since they can see all of your current progress and success. It may even feel good to rub it in their face with a very sexy selfie from time to time. Yet, seeking their acceptance and trying to impress them is a waste of time. If there is no sincerity on your part how can you expect the same from them? Delete them or block them. Do whatever you have to remove that negativity from your life.

It’s time to live for you and nobody else. There’s no reason that you should go above and beyond or out of your way for the people that drain you of all that you are. You deserve more. You deserve better. Let the haters hate. Let the spectators watch. Let the dogs bark and the gossipers’ gossip. You have a life to live. You have an empire to build. You have dreams to turn in to reality. Yeah girl, you got work to do. You don’t have to answer to anybody but you. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.

Denise Nichole Andrews explores identity, relationships, and mental health through various art forms and mediums.

by Tracey Michae’l

Every day last week, it was something. Before I could wipe the crust out my eyes good and let my feet hit the floor in the morning, news and social media smacked me in the face with another appalling event that would trigger my heart to racing and mind to spinning. First, there was the ridiculousness of Rachel Dolezal, then another brutal police attack on a 12-year-old girl in Ohio, and the so-called "ethnic cleansing" in the Dominican Republic, and finally the heart-wrenching massacre of nine members of Emanuel AME Church in Charleston. This rollercoaster we’ve been on as Black people lately (lately, as in at least the last 400 years, but I digress) has been more than exhausting. It’s been soul-sucking. Not only is self-care a must for those who are actively working in the movement against injustice, all of us must take time to speak life and love and uplifting words to ourselves and each other, even as we soberly navigate these emotional and psychological land mines.

by Tabia Alexine for Blavity

Below is a must-read list of things all Black women don't hear often enough, based off of the many others like it that simply miss the mark. If you’re sick of lists for women that exclude any of us not living storybook perfect lives, this one’s for you.

by Altheria Gaston


In her essay titled “Sin, Nature, and Black Women’s Bodies,” Delores S. Williams writes about “spirit breakers” or “Negro breakers,” those who were hired by slave owners to break the spirit of slaves who seemed to be too confident, too uppity, and too independent. The sole purpose of these “spirit breakers” was to put slaves in their place and to convince them that their status as mere property would never change.

by Bee Quammie


We weren’t meant to be here.

When I say “we,” I mean Black women. When I say “here,” I mean existing in a place of self-confidence. If America’s greatest fear is an educated Black man, the world’s greatest source of confusion can be found in a self-assured Black woman.

by Altheria Gaston


We’ve all seen them. We might even be them. Women who constantly post selfies on social media. Not only do they incessantly take selfies, they create selfie collages with multiple photos taken at different angles, in various poses, and with numerous facial expressions. I call it the selfie craze!

by Kwanzaa Imani


If you were on social media on or around Friday, March 6th, you probably saw the hashtag #BlackOutDay. Between Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook, Black people on social media made such overwhelming use of the tag that it not only trended on all three websites, but gained mainstream media’s attention as well. And I have to admit, as a person who was there for the original conception of #BlackOutDay, I am beyond proud of my black online family.

Last week we saw a flurry of action in the social media sphere after E!'s Fashion Police Giuliana Rancic made a comment about young actress Zendaya Coleman's faux locs at the Academy Awards. As the mother of a young teen who LOVES fashion, we often watch post award show wrap-ups to see what others thought of looks we liked and to catch up on what we might have missed. My daughter and I loved Zendaya's look and were so excited to see her at the awards, so I was really disheartened when we heard Giuliana's derogatory remarks about her "looking like she smells of patchouli oil and weed.”

by Krislyn Domingue  


Body positivity emerged as a pushback against limiting, normative Eurocentric beauty and body standards. The movement is an inspiring and revolutionary effort to reclaim and redefine our bodies as our own. It also encourages us to see our bodies—and our whole selves—as beautiful, no matter our shape, color, ability, age, or size. While there have been many body positive role models in mainstream media, conversations surrounding body empowerment often push Black women activists to the margins or erase their contributions altogether. This list is meant to highlight a few women who should be recognized for embracing their own beauty and inspiring others to embark on a journey of self-love and affirmation.

Dominating a conversation isn’t natural for me. Instead, I listen. I enjoy listening – the inflections, the animation, the ebbs and flows that comprise the art of storytelling. It explains my major in English, my (seemingly) quiet demeanor, and my ability to attract folks with the gift of the gab. I got comfortable in that role—my role—of being The Listener. It was my way of asserting my true self without having to reveal too much. I doled out subtle rebuttals and “damn right!”s and shot the breeze – but at some point I stopped doling and shooting. The breeze turned to stagnant, stale air.

Family legend is as follows: In the early 1900's my maternal great-great grandmother, Amanda, left Alabama with her children to meet her husband, Johnny, in Florida. When Amanda arrived, Johnny was drinking heavily and seeing another woman named Sue. Amanda sat at the fire, poking the ashes (for some reason this is important to the story), and asked Johnny who he loved more—her or Sue. He said Sue. She said cool. (Or you know, the early 1900’s equivalent of cool.) Amanda told the oldest child, Lucille, to write a letter to their people back in Alabama asking them to send her some money; and three weeks later Johnny came home to an empty house.

by Kesiena Boom


A pervasive lie about Black women, perpetuated mainly by white women, states that we want to be white. When we relax our hair, or get weaves, or talk “proper,” or read books, we are doing so because we wish we were born white. We are so dissatisfied with our Blackness that we long for whiteness and the supposed perfection that it entails.

by Altheria Gaston

There are just a few days left in 2014, so many of us have already turned our sights on the New Year. While many people criticize New Year’s Resolutions, it is natural to reflect upon the previous year and to have general hopes or goals for the year ahead. And so often, Black women are discouraged from focusing on their own dreams and wellbeing. Thus, we’ve created a list of “resolutions” that every Black woman should think about adopting this year, as a way of affirming our self-worth.

by Bee Quammie


“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” —Zora Neale Hurston

Ever since I read that particular Zora Neale Hurston quote, I’ve used it on my birthday and at the close of each year to reflect and measure how far I’ve come. Here we are at the end of another year. While thoughts will soon shift to 2015 goals, resolutions, and vision boards, it’s imperative that we each take time for reflection.

Finding happiness at twenty-two as a queer, mixed race woman of color has been nothing short of a two-decade struggle. Growing up in a household with a white mother and an emotionally unstable black father – who mastered the art of invisibility quite swiftly upon brining me into the world – created a unique set of insecurities.